So many things had happened.
I stayed at home everyday
other than Wednesday whereby I was forced to go to school.

During these few days,
So many things have been running in my mind.
Questions.
Doubts.
Confusion.
Sad.
Anger.
Lonely.
Memories of happiness.

So many nights and days.
I cried.
Insomia.
No appetite.

Although I was unable to think clearly.
But yet, there are so many questions in my head.
No matter how tired I am.
I am still unable to sleep.

I still miss him.
At the same time,
I felt
Scared.
Confused.
Fear.
I really can't describe in my own words.
As I am unable to elaborate my feelings very well.

Today, when I was in IRC,
I came across someone saying this:

True love is when you shed a tear and still want him.
It's when he ignores you and you still love him.
It's when he loves another but you still smile and say "i'm happy for you."
When all you really do is cry....and cry

Is that the definition of true love?
If that is, I would say that I do love him.

However, throughout all these days of reflection.
I realized that I shouldn't put all the blame on him.
It is also partially my fault too.
Many people would say that it is not my fault.
When a relationship fails, especially a long distance relationship.
It is not just one party's fault.
There's always a reason why things would happen.
I do understand how he feels.
Being all so alone when I am far away.
I sincerely do.
As I also do feel super lonely here too.

Many people would reckon.
What he does is a selfish act.
But once again.
Let me ask you a question:
"Have you never been selfish before?"
We are human afterall.
Human do make mistakes.
Mistakes which one cant control at all.
Hence, there is a phrase which I mentioned earlier:
"History repeats itself again."
I reckon nobody is able to understand what each party feels
except for the 2 of them.

However,
during these few days,
these are the things which I reflected for a successful relationship.

Care.
Respect.
Concern.
Understanding.
Being sensitive.
Listening to him/her actively .
There might be more stuff.
But these are the main stuff which I must learn.
If time is on my side,
I just hope that I would have the chance to turn back time.
I know I am being really silly.
But.
All I can say now.
If he is meant for me,
he will be.
Only time can tell.
Time is the only test for the relationship.
I won't know what to expect.
But yeah.
So be it.
Time is the only test.